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Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay’s Chris Martin These Days

Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay's Chris Martin These Days

Chris Martin and Coldplay have sold millions of records and play to stadium audiences worldwide. But don’t say their names in polite company.

The mere mention of Chris Martin seems to illicit violent tendencies in otherwise peace-loving musicians and makes even the stiffest critics want to crack a joke at their expense.

But just what is the essence of this caustic response? Why does everyone hate the man? I’ll swing by indie rock’s memory lane and try to find out more about why everyone hates the talented and respectable Chris Martin.

Chris Martin wants to save the world and needs you to know about it

Sainthood? Knighthood? More ridiculous titles have been suggested for Chris Martin. But how can you not when the Coldplay singer has made such a passionate plea for the world to change for the better?

Take the environmentalist message he launched in 2019 while promoting a new album, “Everyday Life,” in the Amman Citadel in Jordan.

Martin claimed that the band would no longer tour the world until concerts stopped damaging the environment. Presumably, the British pop star had arrived in Amman by bike. Also, tickets for Coldplay’s global 2023 tour are on sale now. Seems like the global warming problem has been solved.

This was far from Martin’s first endeavor as an activist.

In a bid to out-signal virtue idol and occasional rival Bono, Martin has embraced just about any humanitarian issue with which he could get himself involved.

He advises concert goes to deny spending money on frivolous things and to donate them instead. He’s suggested that people fighting wars ought to be dancing instead. And he, along with his former wife, Gwyneth “I lost half a day of skiing” Paltrow named their first child “Apple,” as a global invitation toward peace. Poor child!

It’s all a little unconventional, sure. But also kind of daft.

To his credit, however, Martin’s work with the “Make Trade Fair” campaign or the Global Citizen Festival has helped raise funds and awareness about important issues such as poverty and lack of access to education in some regions. He’s a good man.

But, just like Bono, Bill Clinton, or Mother Theresa, Martin is just not very likable when being charitable.

Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay's Chris Martin These Days

Diminishing musical results

Coldplay’s band members were never exactly indie darlings. But the quality of their first releases could be denied either. So why is Coldplay hated, then?

“Parachutes,” released in 2000, combined musical elements of Radiohead and Jeff Buckley. It helped Coldplay all but replace Britpop bands like Oasis or Blur in the affections of U.K. audiences.

Next, “A Rush of Blood to the Head” earned them comparisons to bands like R.E.M. and The Beatles, along with global adulation. Yes, “In My Place” is a fine song.

But rather than count his lucky stars, Chris Martin pushed onward. The trouble is that the singer and Coldplay were never as clever as they believed, nor had a lot to say.

“X&Y” was filled chiefly with middle-of-the-road soft rock stock. For “Viva la Vida,” they recruited U2 and David Bowie producer Brian Eno and recorded a largely boring album.

And desperate to remain in the charts, Coldplay has gladly shed its indie-rock credentials for pop trendiness on all albums since “Mylo Xyloto.” The record names got more ridiculous, the stage costumes tackier, and the collaborations more predictable (Jay Z, Kanye West, BTS).

Hey, Fall Out Boy also became a pop band in a bid to save their ailing careers. But Pete Wentz isn’t going on about saving the world at every opportunity. Would the Messiah collaborate with Kanye West and The Chainsmokers?

Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay's Chris Martin These Days

He’s broken up Coldplay several times, never for good

Chris Martin understands the importance of bowing out at the top of powers. He’s admired (and compared his band) to The Beatles or The Police, groups that left audiences wanting more.

Unfortunately, all of his threats of dismantling Coldplay have not come to fruition, and he’s left most audiences demanding less.

Martin suggested that the pompously titled 2008 release “Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends” could be the band’s epitaph—no such luck.

He has hinted at a similar resolution ahead of the release of 2011’s “Mylo Xyloto” and all other future records. He’s even gone solo, collaborating with similarly highly respected artists such as Dua Lipa or The Chainsmokers.

But he’s kept Coldplay’s lights on, waiting for our patience and the resources of a world he cares to claim so much about.

The most recent Martin-supported gossip claims that Coldplay will call it a day in 2025. Listen, even murderers get a statute of limitations. At this stage, just play “Yellow” to stadium audiences until you’re in your 80s, Chris!

Speaking of which…

Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay's Chris Martin These Days

Weighty lyrics?

Chris Martin’s lyrics don’t mean anything. Not in a charming way, either.

His words are not playful, childish poetry like those of Stephen Malkmus. They’re no zany stories like with Syd Barrett‘s songs. Nor do they explore the human psyche like Thom Yorke’s, a man Martin ought to give 10% off everything he makes.

Let’s briefly explore:

“Yellow,” a song about the universal power of love references itself: “I came along/I wrote a song for you/And all the things you do/And it was called Yellow.”

The giga-stadium-anthem “Clocks” reveals deep truths such as: “You are/You are/You are..” What the hell are they?

And, more recently, Martin has really delved deep into his tortured psyche for “Higher Power” to come up with explosive revelations such as: “Sometimes I just can’t take it/Sometimes I just can’t take it and it isn’t alright.”

Chris Martin, reportedly, sleeps with a picture of John Lennon under his pillow. But it hasn’t done him any good yet.

Why Everyone Seems to Hate Coldplay's Chris Martin These Days

Liam Gallagher hates him

Chris Martin isn’t exactly cool. That’s not a problem. From Weezer to They Might Be Giants, bands have carved out a special connection with their audiences using their awkwardness as a platform.

But one can’t quite help feeling that Martin is pushing his luck.

The performer’s attempt at whipping the crowd into a frenzy at the 2016 Super Bowl felt a bit like watching your geography teacher attempting pole dancing. Many have called it the worst Super Bowl performance in living memory.

Chris Martin’s role model, U2’s Bono, once called him a “wanker” in a radio interview.

Joe Satriani sued Coldplay for ripping off his song “If I Could Fly,” and Kraftwerk could’ve easily done the same once Martin appropriated “Computer Liebe” for the inferior “Talk.” Like Martin, colleagues Johnny Buckland, Guy Berryman, and Will Champion like to hide traces of potential thievery.

Legendary Creation Records’ boss, Alan McGee, once manager of impossibly cool bands like Primal Scream or Jesus and Mary Chain, called Coldplay “music to wet your bed to.”

His pal from Oasis, Noel Gallagher, called them “bland.”

And, fellow bully, brother Liam Gallagher may have spoken for all of us when he said: “They’ve never sounded so good, have they, Coldplay?” before adding that this wouldn’t matter much anyhow, as the band “looks beyond shit.”

About author

Eduard Banulescu is a writer, blogger, and musician. As a content writer, Eduard has contributed to numerous websites and publications, including FootballCoin, Play2Earn, BeIN Crypto, Business2Community, NapoliSerieA, Extra Time Talk, Nitrogen Sports, Bavarian FootballWorks, etc. He has written a book about Nirvana, hosts a music podcasts, and writes weekly content about some of the best, new and old, alternative musicians. Eduard also runs and acts as editor-in-chief of the alternative rock music website Mr. Banulescu is also a musician, having played and recorded in various bands and as a solo artist.
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